Skip to main content

I slept two hours last night. Completely, totally, entirely my fault because I was on the phone call with a friend in till 4:30 in the morning. It need it done though. Sometimes talking is better than sleeping but I'm certainly paying for it right now.

The upside of sleep deprivation is that it forces you to be very mindful and focused. The hypervigilence about staying awake somehow takes all your energy off of all the shit you shouldn't be wound up about anyway. In the sweet spot of my tiredness today I felt "normal"... the way I feel when I am feeling more complete than I have lately. It's a nice upside if you ask me.

Outside of that sweet spot, I couldn't stay away from ruminating over a wide array of subjects. Third guessing third guesses of third guesses I haven't even second gurssed yet. Building backstories for my workqueue and character studies of my off-site cohorts. Googling existential questions and hoping for practical answers with full color illustrations. This is my brain today.

I kind of like the simplicity of it. Too bad it's not practical on a long term basis. 

My wish right now, beside a more interesting blog post, is that I have a deep and dreamless sleep. I really need some deep  and restful sleep. Fingers crossed.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The thing about Sunday... I deeply and truly missed my church when I couldn't go because of my work schedule. There hit a stretch where I couldn't hit service, I couldn't commit to small groups, and I missed it so much. When my schedule changed, I was excited to be able to get back to Sunday service. I was excited to get back into helping out. It means a lot to me. That being said. I haven't been to church in three weeks. I don't know when I am going back and I am really hoping that attendance is only one part of the grade. Some Christians work like hell for the devil. Seemingly if I am not related to those folks, they've friended me on Facebook. Nothing makes you want to join the darkside more than someone's extremely off-base and rude comments about your faith and super off the mark assumptions about the state of my relationship with God. Oh and in this case, commentary that suggested that I was chasing boys for lack of a better term was not only out ...
I started taking 5-htp again last night. I forgot I still have half a bottle, an article in a magazine jostled my memory. I had been doing well taking it on and off. You're not supposed to take it continuously. Anyway, I started taking it again last night. 100mg before bed and I am so glad that I did! I slept well, although some of that may be because I am not loaded with caffeine. I've been in good spirits all day as well. I'm going to continue because it always seems to help. This morning a friend of mine who treats her MS with cannabis posted an article about CBD oil being useful for anxiety. I have considered that route. I need to do more research. I mean, I know the results of my,um, previous studies, yeah, previous studies involving cannabis products, but the oil is a different experience. I don't understanding to totally. Or where to get it. Or if I am comfortable with the gray area it falls into legally. I'm sure none of the side effects include thoughts o...
Saturday. Saturday just seems to get harder and harder. I first started having trouble with Saturdays when my ex first moved out and we started bouncing our kid back and forth on weekends. It's a lot of time to try and fill. The thing of it is, it wasn't even that much time. When that started in 2014, I worked a retail job. My "weekend" started Tuesday night, so Saturdays and Sundays weren't all leisure time. Two months ago, Saturday suck got a lot worse. I am grateful to be back in a Monday to Friday gig. I just didn't realize how difficult weekends would be. The weekend my son goes to the dark side is also the weekend my daughter works. That was an over site on my part, I agreed to a change with my ex and didn't think it through all the way. The first couple of weekends, I think I was so excited about the novelty of not having to work that there was a certain spring in my step. I'm not saying I lost the bounce but I am not enjoying all this f...