While I had intended to make my postings at the end of the day, like a beautiful little diary, today I am going to do something mid-day. I slept like a tranquilized baby last night. I woke up and felt as normal as I have felt in forever. I love waking up with energy and optimism. I sustained that...until I couldn't.
The morning really was great. My son had picked out an outfit at Target last night and has been so super proud of this claiming of his identity. Nerd has come a long way since I was a kid. That's what he sees himself as...a nerd...and it's not a negative in his mind. What I love about his nerdom, it's not nerdy and it makes him happy. My only pop culture reference (such as it is) is Wes Kain...if Wes Kain were into Minecraft, Pokemon and NASA. The swagger on this kid this morning made my heart happy.
I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment for my anxiety this afternoon but when I thought I was going to get hooked up with a walk-in assessment...I cancelled it. That was Wednesday. I was already working as if I needed off early though, so here I am off early on a Friday. Rough life, ha! The other day in the failed assessment attempt, I was told that another place does walk-in outpatient assessments. Really. Really. REALLY not a fan of this organization but in realizing it was literally my work neighbor I decided to try and have an open mind.
Of course, like every other mental health and substance abuse treatment website on the planet, the website was useless. All I wanted to know is if the information received was accurate. How fucking hard would it be to say in a real and tangible sentence what you do and don't offer? Just sayin'. And really how well are you serving your hurting population with all those shiny happy people and other random bullshit on your page...again, just sayin'. Because I slept well and had a rockstar day at work, I called to get more information after I left work.
Sigh. Double Sigh. Long sigh.
To some people, what I am about to write, they aren't going to understand. Those people will get judgmental because they don't understand, nor do they try to understand, what my mental landscape looks like. I called to see if what I had heard about walk-in outpatient assessments was valid. It took me a large pep talk on my part and five-minute rehearsing of what I needed to say. I dial...general automated, phone tree directions. The tone...Oh my fucking God...the tone. I pick the option I need. More options. Pick but still this tone. Ring. Ring. Ring. Vague message about agents. Ring. Ring. Too busy, leave a message. And still the tone. Jesus.
Okay, so what I am about to write is coming from two places: personal me and business me. I have spent my entire career in capacities that are largely customer service oriented, this is the business me. The business me understands marketing and customer service satisfaction and a whole bunch of other Matrix bullshit. Business me, business me isn't cool with a brochure and website modeled by Abercrombie models and a phone tree that sounds like it was recorded by a distgruntled DMV worker who just got a vacation request denied. The personal me...the personal me said fuck this shit. The condemning tone of the entire phone tree, it just painted a picture of what the entire experience was going to be like and it wasn't a picture I wanted in my album. I can be judgy and condemning of myself enough, don't foresee needing that from my therapist.
So, I did what any respectable adult would do, I came home poured a glass of wine and turned on Beachfront Bargains.
Today is not the day, maybe tomorrow. oh wait, nope, tomorrow is Saturday, no one is allowed to need anything on weekends. I forgot about that. Okay, so maybe tomorrow, I just go to bar where they know me by name and dance my ass off and forget the world. I don't know.
I really don't.
I do know that I meant to end every post with suggested pairings.
Today's suggested pairing is:
The morning really was great. My son had picked out an outfit at Target last night and has been so super proud of this claiming of his identity. Nerd has come a long way since I was a kid. That's what he sees himself as...a nerd...and it's not a negative in his mind. What I love about his nerdom, it's not nerdy and it makes him happy. My only pop culture reference (such as it is) is Wes Kain...if Wes Kain were into Minecraft, Pokemon and NASA. The swagger on this kid this morning made my heart happy.
I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment for my anxiety this afternoon but when I thought I was going to get hooked up with a walk-in assessment...I cancelled it. That was Wednesday. I was already working as if I needed off early though, so here I am off early on a Friday. Rough life, ha! The other day in the failed assessment attempt, I was told that another place does walk-in outpatient assessments. Really. Really. REALLY not a fan of this organization but in realizing it was literally my work neighbor I decided to try and have an open mind.
Of course, like every other mental health and substance abuse treatment website on the planet, the website was useless. All I wanted to know is if the information received was accurate. How fucking hard would it be to say in a real and tangible sentence what you do and don't offer? Just sayin'. And really how well are you serving your hurting population with all those shiny happy people and other random bullshit on your page...again, just sayin'. Because I slept well and had a rockstar day at work, I called to get more information after I left work.
Sigh. Double Sigh. Long sigh.
To some people, what I am about to write, they aren't going to understand. Those people will get judgmental because they don't understand, nor do they try to understand, what my mental landscape looks like. I called to see if what I had heard about walk-in outpatient assessments was valid. It took me a large pep talk on my part and five-minute rehearsing of what I needed to say. I dial...general automated, phone tree directions. The tone...Oh my fucking God...the tone. I pick the option I need. More options. Pick but still this tone. Ring. Ring. Ring. Vague message about agents. Ring. Ring. Too busy, leave a message. And still the tone. Jesus.
Okay, so what I am about to write is coming from two places: personal me and business me. I have spent my entire career in capacities that are largely customer service oriented, this is the business me. The business me understands marketing and customer service satisfaction and a whole bunch of other Matrix bullshit. Business me, business me isn't cool with a brochure and website modeled by Abercrombie models and a phone tree that sounds like it was recorded by a distgruntled DMV worker who just got a vacation request denied. The personal me...the personal me said fuck this shit. The condemning tone of the entire phone tree, it just painted a picture of what the entire experience was going to be like and it wasn't a picture I wanted in my album. I can be judgy and condemning of myself enough, don't foresee needing that from my therapist.
So, I did what any respectable adult would do, I came home poured a glass of wine and turned on Beachfront Bargains.
Today is not the day, maybe tomorrow. oh wait, nope, tomorrow is Saturday, no one is allowed to need anything on weekends. I forgot about that. Okay, so maybe tomorrow, I just go to bar where they know me by name and dance my ass off and forget the world. I don't know.
I really don't.
I do know that I meant to end every post with suggested pairings.
Today's suggested pairing is:
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