You know that meme you keep seeing, the one about feeding your soul, following your dreams, being some super self-actualized, super fucking happy ball of positivity?

Yeah. That'd be great.

No sarcasm.

I spent half my lunch break crying. I don't even have the energy to write about the whys of that. All I can really say is that the office I work in seems to be housed deep inside a dementor's ball sac somewhere in the depth of hell.

From where I went to that walk-in assessment last week, I had a call about scheduling therapy. When I called back, I got voice mail. A little disappointing since I am currently receptive to some in-depth analysis but oh well. Maybe this will happen. Maybe this won't. I don't know. Certainly, crying under a tree in the freezing ass cold did help me a little, but therapist offices are usually warm and have tissues.

Day four of no caffeine. I am better for it. If not mentally, physically for sure. I had a drink at the bar last night...pineapple upside down cake made with bourbon rather than vodka. It probably has another name but I've never been hip to all that.

Had a nice coffee talk with a friend after work, both of us laughing at neither of us drinking coffee.
It was the first time ever that I can remember that I told another living human being my true feelings about my relationship status. The truth didn't set me free, unless sadness is freedom. Nonetheless, it was a nice chat. I hope there will be more.